Is The Commonwealth Dying
post_id: 150 / post_date: 2013-11-06
I thought we only had to worry about the Americans bastardizing English, apparently not just.
I've already been thinking hard about preserving UK English (something we still share in the commonwealth). In every part of the world, people are VERY itchy about preserving their cultural heritage. Well, what about the British! Who gave us the common denominator that we have to build and interact on! Dont they have a say in the matter?
I just didnt know I would read this one day and realise that I WAS ALSO and endangered species.
The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
All I can think about now is Hero of the Day - Mama they try and rape me!
Whilst on the topic of American English, an Englishman has commented that
- they changed pavement to sidewalk cause people would walk in the middle of the road and get run over
- they changed glasses to eye glasses cause people would wear them on their knees and feet
- they changed bin to waste paper basket because they would dump stuff in just any bin and even throw fresh paper away
- squash had to be called racquet ball
- they changed horse riding to horseback riding because - well - they would ride the horse from behind